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Subject: cars
vs computers
By Dave Ralph - Editor-Publisher - The Abaconian
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),
Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the
auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology
like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments,
General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed
technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with
the following characteristics:
- 1. For no reason whatsoever,
your car would crash twice a day.
- 2. Every time they repainted
the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
- 3. Occasionally your car would
die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over
to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the
car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
- 4. Occasionally, executing maneuver
such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse
to restart,in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
- 5. Only one person at a time
could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then
you would have to buy more seats.
- 6. Macintosh would make a car
that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast
and twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent
of the roads.
- 7. The oil, water temperature
and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single
"general protection fault" warning light.
- 8. New seats would force everyone
to have the same sized butt.
- 9. The airbag system would ask
"are you sure?" before deploying.
- 10. Occasionally, for no reason
whatsoever, you car would lock you out and refuse to let you
in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the
key and grabbed hold of the antenna.
- 11. GM would require all car
buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps
(now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want
them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause
the cars performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover,
GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
- 12. Every time GM introduced
a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again
because none of the controls would operate in the same manner
as the old car.
- 13. You'd have to press the
"start" button to turn the engine off.
Dave Ralph - Editor-Publisher
- The Abaconian
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